By God’s grace and good fortune, I have never dated any lawyers. But I know many of them (and one very well). That’s why I say it’s my own good fortune that I haven’t dated any.

I found this article on the UK eHarmony website entitled “15 Reasons to Date a Lawyer.” The article could easily be a spoof, but there isn’t any formal indication of satire, so I’m going to engage with it as though it were genuine. Some other blogs (here and here, for example) have debunked the reasons, but I think it’s best to counter the list with my own reasons not to date a lawyer.


Caveat Amator (Lover Beware!): 4 Reasons Not to Date a Lawyer

1. You’ll Waive Your Constitutional Rights

The Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution prohibits slavery or involuntary servitude. Most lawyers have already waived this right through student loans—why join them?

2. Your Parents Will Not Be Impressed

Oh, sure, maybe they will be when they first hear that you’re dating a lawyer. But that’s all over after the first Thanksgiving meal when your date tries to explain what “innocent until proven guilty” means while trying to pass the cransberries.

3. You Won’t Be Able to Use the First Amendment Anymore

Lawyers and law students are infamous for taking all the fun out of the First Amendment by explaining that it doesn’t apply to you because you’re not a “state actor”—whatever that means. Lawyers and their technicalities! Don’t lose your First Amendment privileges by dating one of these unpleasant folks.

4. You Won’t Be Able to Enjoy [insert any legal entertainment] Anymore

Like John Grisham? Or Boston Legal? Or CSI? Or Law & Order? You’ll have to leave those behind because they’re sensationalist. Instead you’ll be left with how the law really works—the unvarnished truth—which will probably involve a dispute about what “reasonable” means. Riveting.

There are admittedly some good reasons to date a lawyer, and I know a few dateable ones. But it’s best to be cautious.