Marriage and Divorce: A Journey

By: Tharwat Fahoum Lovett, Life Coach

Marriage is a journey not a destination. The moment you walk across the threshold of marriage you are faced with new, uncharted terrain that you and your new partner must now face together. Sometimes, for a variety of reasons, the terrain proves too difficult or nearly impossible for the two of you to make it out alive together. For those of you who are faced with this decision, divorce becomes the new threshold you must cross, thrusting you onto yet another foreign terrain. Thus, ending what you thought would last a lifetime.

Current statistics suggest 40 to 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 60% of second marriages end in divorce. There are many reasons why marriages fail. Some of the most common reasons are infidelity, money, lack of communication, constant arguing, weight gain, unrealistic expectations, lack of intimacy, lack of equality, not being prepared for marriage, and abuse.

If you don’t take care of these issues as they come up, they can cause decay in your relationship, and may lead to either you or your spouse wanting a divorce.

There are many theories in psychology that attempt to explore and explain the dynamic complexity of our human relationships. Why and how can something that started out so beautiful end so tragically?

We have seen clients at every stage—from pre-marriage counseling, to conflict mediation of couples, to the counseling of divorcing couples, to the post-divorce rebuilding of a client’s sense of self—and regardless of where they are at in the process, we have learned the importance emotional reconciliation has for the individual. Emotional reconciliation is the process of rebuilding your identity after trauma. It is the reconciling or healing of one’s emotional body.

Emotional reconciliation does not necessarily mean peace or resolution within the relationship. In some circumstances, that is not a possibility. It does mean, however, that healing can occur within oneself. Once this is achieved, moving forward with life after divorce becomes more of an empowering experience and less of a tragic circumstance.